Life and Friends

Essays are typically used for facts. That is an idea that is known well by many. Of course, the essays for this week were not exactly those kinds of essays. They did provide facts, but they would also tell stories and give a deeper sense of what they author was talking about. In the packet for this week, an essay called "Close to the Knives" by David Wojnarowicz talked about a friend of his who was dying of AIDS. Considering that I was reading that day before AIDS Day, it had a bit more of an impact than I think it would other days. Still, it had its moments that are touching and helpful with understanding, no matter when it is being read.

One thing that was both informational and touching was when the narrator said how many different things Peter and other people at that doctor's office (who also had AIDS) had tried to get better or even to just live a little longer with less suffering. By showing what people were willing to go through to just make it (driving long distances, going through a lot of other problems, risking their health even more), the reader is able to understand how much life really means, not only to them, but to everyone. It also shows the desperation some might feel to live and feel well.

Another thing that was both informational and touching was the fact that the author's friend, Peter, was suffering so much throughout the essay. In the beginning, he was unable to get up to go to the bathroom. Halfway through, he was not able to try to take a swing at his friends who were trying to help him, because he was too weak. And, in the end, he did not have the energy to do anything. And then he died. From this, the reader is able to understand the pain that this causes people. Not only was it physically tolling for Peter to go through, but emotionally, it was painful for him, because he was unable to do so many simple things. His friends also felt the emotional strikes of it because they were unable to do anything, and it hurt them to see their friend going through this. By showing the pain of the man with AIDS and the friends who are trying to be supportive and helpful, Wojnarowicz was able to help the reader understand and know about the effects on everyone.

This was an essay, because it was informational, but, at the same time, it was entertaining. Not in the typical laughing kind of entertaining, but in the way that it kept my attention. From reading this essay, I came to understand that life is important and that friends really can feel the pain another friend is going through, not just with AIDS, but really with anything.

Science and Poetry

In poetry, science is usually used as a way to compare someone's beauty or something that is beyond "normal" explanation. Rarely, if ever, however, have I seen them compared to each other. In the essay "Farder to Reache" by Albert Goldbarth, this is done. My first pull to this essay was because I saw the name "Kepler." Having taken Astronomy classes last year, I was familiar with the name, and was, of course, like any other nerd, excited to see what the author had to say. It could go without saying that the essay was not exactly what I expected.

The essay began with an interesting way to think of Kepler's mind. It said, "We might say his skull contained the sky of the 16th and early 17th centuries, held it in place like a planetarium dome." To me, that was an awesome way to say just how much Kepler knew about the night sky of his time and how much he observed it. After this, I expected the author to talk about the stars and planets and how things have changed. Instead, he switched to talking about the poetry of Whitman. First, this was a weird connection, but it still made sense. The reason Glodbarth made this connection was because Kepler would talk about how he didn't like thinking about the universe being endless, making it possible to float forever, much like the poetry of Whitman, who uses free verse. The connection between Astronomy and Poetry like this was, well, quite exciting for me. Before, there had always seemed to be a rather distinct difference between the two, with the exception of poetry using Astronomy to compare someone, of course. But this essay connected the two in a way that showed how the two subjects are similar, how famous people from each area are similar. It was almost impossible for my inner-nerd to control herself with such excitement.

This essay gave me a new way to look at two very different subjects and see how they are not really all that different. It even ended with the author saying that he could be hanging out with Kepler and Whitman on a dark night, just chilling and drinking some beers, looking at the sky. The connection between the ideas of the two men and bringing them together in a "real life" sense made it a good vision. And, because of all of this and my inner-nerd, this Goldbarth essay was definitely my favorite.

A Different Kind of Essay

To many students, essays are known as very structured. There's the introduction, which has a hook, a little background, and then a thesis statement of some sort. Then there are the body paragraphs, which support the thesis statement and explain it more. Finally, there is the conclusion, which wraps it all together and says why everything that was just said was important. These are the types of essays we have been taught to write since elementary school, when we had to write about why we should be able to buy pizza over salad in the school cafeteria or what happened in the Revolutionary War. As I was reading through the essays in Essay Packet 1, though, I realized that these essays are different. They're more personal and some are even just stories, but told in a less narrative-like way.

An example of one of the essay not being what I expected was "Sunday" by Henry Louis Gates, Jr. The essay starts off with a hook and little background information, but that is about as far as it got with what I expected out of an essay. The rest of it seemed more like a story, because there were characters, a lot of detail, and some quotes of what someone would say in certain situations. For example, he says, "The happiest I ever saw my aunts and uncles in the Coleman family was when they'd slowly eat their savory meals, washing everything down with several glasses of iced tea." From this little bit, I can picture people sitting around a table, taking in their food slowly and happily, making sure every last bit was enjoyed. The characters in the essay include his family, such as Mama and Aunt Marguerite. These characters have quotes and are explained well just in their quotes.

From reading these essays, I think I am going to enjoy this section of the class. It will definitely be something different that I am not quite used to, but it seems like the essays can be fun to read and possibly even write. They seem more personal than stories, so they help with understanding people, and they are more direct than poems, so they make it even easier to understand what the people want to say and who they are.

The Right Detail

Our switch to reading short stories instead of poetry has been a very welcomed switch. Especially with this week's short stories. For me, they were the right length, filled with the right amount of description, and entertaining. Although I started to enjoy poetry more near the end of that section of the class, the short stories are easier for me to understand and figure out, because the information feels more concrete, while still having actual meaning behind them. Being someone with a short attention span that only gets shorter when I'm frustrated, poetry was difficult to get through. The short stories provide the entertainment and tell me a story and give me a better chance to get into what the character is saying.

One of my favorite short stories from this week was "The Falling Girl" by Dino Buzzati. At first reading, I read it as a girl from the city during the 1930s who was committing suicide and taking in the sites around her as she fell slowly. This changed during class discussion, however, and the story only became more iteresting after the fact. My favorite part of the story was the description, because it was really detailed and depicted the different levels of economy each section of the building she was falling past well, while not being overly-descriptive. For example, while falling past the higher level of the building, she says, "The beautiful people, then were interested in and that filled her with satisfaction. She felt fascinating, stylish. On the flower-filled terraces, amid the bustle of waiters in white and the bursts of exotic songs..." From this description alone, one can imagine that the people were well-dressed and in a nice place, due to the many flowers and waiters. The music can also be heard in the background, simply by calling it "exotic." Her facial expression at this point can also be imagined as proud, because she felt so fascinating and stylish, despite the fact that she wore what was considered "modest" clothing.

From this story, I learned that putting in the right descriptions is key for making the reader understand what you want them to know about the story and surroundings. Like I said in my previous post, I am usually afraid to put in details, but this story proved to me that, in the right contexts and amounts, it can help make the story just right.

Details

As students, when we first learn "how to" write, our use of detail is something that is often emphasized. It is always pointed out to us in pieces of literature we have to read for class and marked down in our pieces that are turned in. When I was younger, I would always work harder and strive to have as much detail as possible. As I got older, though, I soon realized that a lot of the detail I was writing was just boring and not useful. A little while later, in ninth grade English class, I had to read Great Expectations by Charles Dickens, and that was when I lost any kind of positive feelings I had towards the use of detail. He just rambled on and on about things that ended up not even being important to the book or the purpose of the book, and it just made the book drag. Because of that, it was the only book in High School that I never finished reading for class.


While I was beginning to read this week's assignment in Writing Down the Bones by Natalie Goldberg, I knew that the point that was going to have to be known this week would be about the importance of detail. The difference between what I was expecting and what actually was, however, was that Goldberg talked about how detail is not just about talking about the little things in life, but really, the big things are just as important, or even more important. For example, she says on the bottom of page 81 "We think of detail as small, not the realm of the cosmic mind or these big hills of New Mexico. That isn't true. No matter how large a thing is, how fantastic, it is also ordinary."

Another topic Goldberg discussed was the importance of pushing forward in your writing, because that is where all the deep, emotional stuff is that people want to read about. She also says that writing is an outlet for us to use to get through things. An example she gave was a girl whose mother died of cancer who was writing about it for class. Goldberg said that she could feel that there was something missing, so she told the girl to keep writing, even if time is out, even if it causes her to cry. Pushing to the end helps a person form detail because it is closer to them than they if they are just writing from what is on their surface. Because it hits so close to them, the reader is better able to understand the author and the piece and have an emotional connection with both, as well.

Although I still am not a fan of over-the-top detail in writing, reading about it this week has helped me see that there is a way to make the detail work so that a person can be drawn to the piece and author and help them understand both better. Goldberg emphasizes the importance of "good" detail, rather than the boring, "describe-the-hairpin" detail that is seen so often in some pieces of work.

To After That (Toaf) - A Blog

Every author has his or her own style of writing and a voice that is unique. Stephen King is good at writing dark and mysteriously when appropriate. John Green writes from the perspective of young people well. In the case of To After That, Renee Gladman seems to use an almost blogger-type of voice. Throughout the book, it sounds like she is telling a personal story to close people who want to read everything she wants and needs to say. This style of writing helps the reader connect to the author and feel like he or she is part of the life.

One example of Gladman having a blogger-like feel in To After That (Toaf) is she uses nicknames for everyone in her life who was of some importance. Examples include "Chubby"/"Frog" and "M." Both of these people in her life had an impact on her writing. Gladman dedicated her book to Chubby and M. helped her with the book. In many blogs I have read, a nickname of some sort is used for the important characters in the blogger's life. One example is HayleyGHoover, who calls her boyfriend "The Situation," after Jersey Shore, because she wants to keep his actual identity less well-known when she talks about him as her boyfriend, rather than as the musician he is.

Another example of Gladman having a blogger-like feel in the way the book is set up. While telling her story, Gladman goes between different times in her life to explain different things that lead to a part in her book. There is even one time on page 33 where she stopped in the middle of nowhere to correct herself about a date she had mentioned near the beginning of the book that she had not been able to recall at the time. It is also at this part where she has giant white spaces to show how this part of the story is different from the rest. Both of these are not too different from reading a blog. Oftentimes, while reading someone's blog, they will mention something in one entry, and then down the line, they correct themselves, even if it really has nothing to do with the rest of the entry. Gaps in the form of the writing are also common to give the entry some flair and better the understanding of the reader.

Renee Gladman's blog-like style of To After That (Toaf) helps engage the reader more than if she had just written out her story like a novel. By using nicknames for those who influenced her the most and having a form similar to a blog, a reader can feel like he or she is actually part of the life of this woman and capable of just talking to her like any other person on the street.

Improving Sentences and Detail

Making the wording in my writing more interesting is something I have been struggling with possibly the most this semester. I am so used to just throwing together facts into sentences and making those into paragraphs that form an essay that I have never really put much thought into how I can switch my wording to make people more interested. That is where reading Writing Down the Bones by Natalie Goldberg came in handy this week. This week, we were to read about syntax, showing instead of telling, and being specific, all of which gave me a new perspective of my wording techniques.

The first chapter, "Syntax," provided different exercises a writer could do in order to make his or her sentences more interesting. The example Goldberg provided had the writer write down the three to four consecutive lines or sentences of the most boring piece of writing and then treat each word like a block and just move them around randomly for a third of the page without putting much, if any, thought into it. After that, Goldberg says to put punctuation into the jumble of words without thinking about what is going on. In the end, the writer has the most interesting sentences, some of which make no sense at all, but some that improve the message and sound of the original sentence. This is one of the most interesting exercises I have come across, and I did not think it would go anywhere. In the end, though, I find myself really wanting to try it out when I am editing my next piece of writing, because it gives the piece a certain flair.

The second and third chapters kind of go together in terms of the messages they are trying to get across. The second chapter, "Don't' Tell, but Show," tells the writer that he or she needs to show the emotions of what is going on in the writing, rather than just saying it. Goldberg uses anger as an example. She says to show what anger is, rather than just saying that the subject is angry. Showing the emotion hits home more and it is not as boring. The third chapter, "Be Specific," talks about describing objects and naming them more specifically than just being general. The example Goldberg uses for this case is a flower. She says that a writer should describe exactly what kind of flower the subject is looking at. Goldberg says that she went around for a while and learned what each kind of flower or tree she had in her environment, because it helps one feel closer to his or her environment. On top of that, it hits closer to home with the reader. Both of these have always been difficult for me to do, because I am not one for detail. When I'm reading a book, I like getting the jist of what is going on, rather than knowing every single detail. It is why I cannot bring myself to read Charles Dickens novels. However, I know that the detail is important for others, and I often leave out important details that are necessary to understand what I am trying to say. Therefore, these two chapters have helped me understand the power and necessity of details, and make me want to push it more for myself.

Once again, Natalie Goldberg has managed to make me see writing in a different light. Not only did she make me re-think my phrasing of sentences this week, but she also helped me understand the importance of details in a piece of writing.

Finally, An Impact

Reading Blood Dazzler by Patricia Smith was a task I thought was going to be like any other required reading for class - tedious and not worthwhile. When I reached the last page, however, I found it to be neither one. In fact, all the poems in the book both interested me and gave me a new perspective on not only Hurricane Katrina itself, but the lives of both humans and animals who lived in New Orleans.

One way Smith showed a new perspective of the event was she made a couple of the poems from the point of view of Hurricane Katrina. In one poem called "8 A.M., Sunday, August 28, 2005" (page 11), for example, Katrina talks about how she gave some warning for days, but at that time, on that day, she wanted to let it all loose. "Or could this be/ it, finally,/ my praise day,/ all my fists at once?" Having the poems from the way that a hurricane saw what was going on can almost make someone feel for it, because it has been given a personality. On top of that, Smith is putting into the poem what had actually been going on, so it helps preserve some history in there, too.

Another way Patricia Smith made me look at the hurricane in a new way was she put in the story of a dog throughout the book. For example, the first time we see the dog, Luther B, is in the poem "Won't be but a Minute" (page 10). In this poem, a parent is explaining that they have to leave Luther B behind, but that he should be okay tied to the tree. He is seen again in "Luther B Rides Out the Storm" (page 21), where he is experiencing. The final time he is seen is in "M'Dear Thinks on Luther B" (page 30), where the owners think about him. It may very well be the animal lover in me, but the story of Luther B killed me. I felt for the humans, of course, but I felt horrible that he was unable to even try to move because they tied him to a tree. The poem where he is experiencing the storm was so visual, too, that it was impossible to avoid the heartbreak of the event and feel crushed by the end of it.


All in all, reading Blood Dazzler by Patricia Smith was one of the best ways I have spent my time this year. I'm not saying that because I want to make it sound like I'm a good student or because I want a good grade, either. When I finished the book, I felt like I had a better understanding and connection to an event that is so well-known in the country. When it happened, I understood how terrifying it must have been and how terrible it must have been for the residents of that area to lose their homes. Years later, however, I am just now feeling an actual emotional toll because of the strength of the words in all the poems and the strong characters. This book was definitely worth every penny I paid for it, simply because of the understanding I gained from it.

Goldberg Helps Get Rid of Writer's Block

Natalie Goldberg has a way of talking about writing that I have never really considered before. In readings in previous weeks, the ways she said to draft or free write was so simple and made so much sense that I had never really considered it before. Of course, writing without taking any grammar into consideration is difficult for me to even consider. My grammar is far from perfect, but completely neglecting it is difficult. The reasons behind doing it, however, makes logical. In this week's readings, Goldberg talks about how we cannot worry about our words becoming us or us becoming our words permanently and how writing about our obsessions creates some of the best work.

In the chapter "We are not the Poem," Goldberg shares about how people who attend her readings think the poems are about her. She goes on to say that this is not the case, even when she uses "I," because they are really her thoughts and feelings at that moment, and those are a completely different being. While reading this, I first thought, "Oh, yes. I definitely understand that." Part of the reason I understood this so well was because I have a friend who writes (and performs) music for a living. His followers are constantly asking him what his songs are about and when that particular thing happened in his life. His response is always that his songs are not really about him, but about inspiration around him or a story that popped into his head at that moment. Everyone is just a character, even if they are based on him a little. Although this is not exactly what Goldberg was getting at, they are similar in their thought that the people in their writings are now characters and separate from the author. I have also seen this in my own writing. Although I do not write anything formal, I often jot down things to get them out of my mind so I can sleep or concentrate on actual work. When I go back to read what I wrote later on in life, I realize how different I am from that person. In fact, it is rather embarrassing, until I remind myself that that person is like a character of mine, not really a person any longer. Keeping this in mind for actual pieces helps me be less afraid to just write.

In the second chapter for this week, called "Obsessions," Goldberg talked about how we need to embrace things that are running through our minds obsessively and write about them, because that will create the best work. An example she gave was writing about her family. She said that she tries to stop writing about them for a while at times, but she always returns, because she is unable to write about anything else well if she doesn't. Once again, I had a moment of "I definitely understand this!" In fact, while writing the poems for class assignments, I ran across this very issue. I was constantly trying to avoid writing about a certain topic, because, although I understood that the piece would just be like a character and not Chelsea, the character was still too close for me to share it. After I finally gave in and tried to work out a way that was still the topic but not too close for comfort, I was able to get the poem out easily. Not only did it clear my mind, but it ended up being one of the pieces of mine that I liked the most.

Reading Natalie Goldberg's book has been a lot of help when it came to pushing me to write a certain way. Poetry has always been the writing style I have feared, as I have said in my previous entries, but her book has helped with overcoming the fear a little bit each time. She makes it seem so simple and natural to just write that it makes it almost fun.

Rediscovering Poetry

When I came into the class on the first day and learned that the first thing we were going to study was poetry, I let out a loud groan in my mind. I didn't groan because I do not appreciate it, because I really do think it is an art and worth studying. The groan had to do with the fact that I find it difficult and almost all the poetry I have ever been exposed to has been the same - specific rhyme schemes, a certain number of lines per stanza, etc. While reading through the poetry packet provided for this class, however, I was reminded that there are many different types of poetry styles.

One example of a poetry style I came across that was not what I expected was the Harryette Mullen's "Dim Lady," the poem that is based on Sonnet 130 by Shakespeare. At first glance, the appearance alone is not something that is expected of a poem, because it is a block shape and looks more like a paragraph than a poem. Also, the poem does not have a "normal" rhyme scheme, which is more obvious with the non-traditional shape. Not only is the appearance of the poem a shock, but it is a comfort of sorts, because it makes it the poem have a more modern feel for me, which could be the point of its shape. The content of the poem is also modern ("honeybunch's peepers," "Red Lobster," "kisser," etc.), so adding in a paragraph shape helps the reader keep that feeling while just looking at it.

Another example of a poetry style I came across that was not what I expected was Susan Howe's poem from Singularities. Just glancing at the poem is enough to give someone a headache, because the words are, literally, all over the place. Yes, there are some straight lines, but that does not help with the understanding when lines overlap each other, are upside down, and some phrases are even completely broken up. There is even a stanza that is the same phrase ("Traverse canon night siege Constant firing") but one is flipped upside down. In all honesty, I have no idea what the poem is talking about, because just looking at it freaks me out, so sitting there trying to figure it out causes a lot of stress. Of course, for all I know, this could be the point of the appearance of the poem. From what I have learned in class, when a poem looks chaotic, there is always a logical and artistic reasoning behind it.

Rediscovering that poetry is diverse just like my ultimate love, Music, helps me in understand it a little more. Although it is still like a new language for someone who has not studied it much over the years, the appreciation is growing again, because it deserves it, just like music or a new language.

Chelsea Delaney

Fear of Writing

Writing, for both the classes and the masses, has always been something I have feared. It was never really the writing part, though, because that's the easy part. The terrifying part came when it was time for someone to actually read or hear my words.

See, I have pretty much always been the shy, awkward kid who would sit near the front of the class, but rarely, if ever, say a word because of a fear of judgement. I mean, let's face it, kids can be harsh, and teachers can be just as harsh. So, I let them judge my silence instead. It was a sort of comfort to know that they would never be able to tell if I was a genius or if I knew absolutely nothing.

However, written pieces of work, whether they be essays, short stories, or poems, bring out the most fear when it comes to my thoughts being known, because writing is supposed to be a general way to communicate with others. Or that is how I see it, at least. I have been forced to work on this more over the past year, because, though they are incredibly informal forms of writing, Twitter, instant messaging online, and texting have been the easiest forms of contact with friends from all over. I also chose to start a blog on my own time over the summer to get myself prepared for this class and getting used to people reading my writing again. More informal writing, but practice is practice. And practice makes (near) perfect.

Anyways, the point of this short rant was to explain why I really decided to take this Creative Writing class.

I realized that it was time to look beyond informational essays for class and to get rid of my fear of people reading what I have to say. I know it will be a stretch and challenge for me, but because writing is still one of the best ways to communicate with multiple people at once, I want to grow comfortable with it. It will help having other students along on this journey who will, possibly unknowingly, push me to do even better.

I look forward to this class and taking in all the stress it is sure to cause.

Chelsea Delaney